I-Toilet….

I dropped my iphone to the toilet yesterday. When you hear something falling in the toilet right when your ass facing the toilet you know your damp just cost you 400 bucks. Without thinking I reached for my drowning friend and in my mind I already knew, nobody survives toilets. I looked at it, looked at god, (I was at a Jewish kosher restaurant so I felt closer) and started praying. Now, I’m a soldier I would save it from morning pee to late night damp, as long as it mine. If it was yours I’d prob flash it with your shit and would never be able to look you in the eye again. Please remember to flash.
I got out of the bathroom, phone wet, but works, no sound, the flash light is on, I never used it.. I knew then, it’s dying. Phone dying in my hands, there’s still a certain comfort that at least you still have the phone, & no one else has a hold of your dick pic collection.
Took a bus to the iphone store on 59th street. When you see more employees than costumers, you know your phone should be cheaper. Does costumer service really has to be THAT GOOD??
2 min later I was already telling the story to a blue tshirt guy who seems to have all the answers. I told him it got water in it, I didn’t say toilet, I didn’t want him to think I’m gross, plus he was kinda cute & I got a reputation to keep. (What?) He made an appointment for 7.50, which was an hour(!!) away, so I had to make this look more urgent, I gathered all my acting skills (which are none) and said:” pretend this is your sister will you really let her wait for an hour?” I guess the face I made got him, and I felt like he was opening up so he was able to squeeze me between other peeps. Not until I said: “do Iphones survive toilets?” And he asked: “did it fell in the toilet?” I said:” yeah, I know I’m idiot..” Little did I know how much of an idiot when he said WE CAN’T TAKE CARE OF PHONES THAT WERE IN THE TOILET because of bacteria. Now, I didn’t really see what the problem was, so I just told him OH cool so just pretend you never heard me saying that.. am I next?
No I wasn’t next, he apologized with a winning smile, and said you might as well get a new one, it’ll die, for sure. Call me sensitive but isn’t there a nicer way to break such bad news?? He didn’t even blink. My heart was broken, he didn’t care.
So apparently if your phone drowns the ultimate advice was to put it in rice, or blow dry it. So here you learned something new. My phone survived. It’s working, singing, smiling, ringing, just one thing is missing, my dick pic collection, oh well, there were mostly Jews.

Happy Summa.

R

My first week in NY

First week in New York went by really fast. I did about 6 open mics and performed in 5 different places. I get lost all the time, how am I suppose to know where is west if I’m on an Island?
I was happy to find out my jokes work here too. Open mics in New York are great for the only reason that comics actually listen to you during your set. Between LA and NY I would have to say if you start out in LA chances are you’ll give up because most of the time you feel like you’re talking to yourself. Did I really just paid 5 bucks for that? Wow.
LA is way more fancy, fancy clubs, fancy people. Here it’s more about comfort and having fun. Less plastic on the street. Allot of night life, bars, pubs, clubs which isn’t my thing right now. (I’m broke).
To get up here on open mics it’s about 5 bucks, some rude bustards ask for more- Don’t you know comics are broke? Most of the place YOU DON’T GET A DRINK for your 5 bucks. So honestly, if you do a mic, do yo jokes and stop fucking around. And for those of you who don’t do comedy, yes, comedians have to pay to get up and entertain… LA is better on that part.
Girls in NY are funny, I see less black comics, more Jews, I’m not sure how much I like that, but oh well. So far my favorite place to do an open mic is One & One Bar on Sat’s. It’s awesome crowd, very intimate, always (been there twice) packed, and very supportive. (It’s 4 bucks).
It’s easier to get up during the week. The weekend is more difficult because it’s all email sign up and I’m on nobody’s email list so far. SO THIS SUCKS. But oh well I guess I could use the rest.
OKAY, it’s 7:00pm on a Sunday, I’m off to the PIT. You get 4 min and it’s free.

Holla.