Why I would take Sandy on Hamas any day...

I’ve never been to a country that gives cute girls names to natural disasters. If this would happen in Israel I’m pretty sure someone would get sued for this. OMG your name is Lilach ? I heard you killed million Jews last year. Good for you!!

Lucky for us (well me), Israel don’t really get hurricanes or heavy earth quicks, we just have terrorism. That’s just something we have. Here in America I wouldn’t be surprised if parents would take the opportunity and name their new born – Sandy. Would you be surprised? Didn’t think so. I’m sure that there’s a strong connection between all the chicks that named after a natural disaster, like they all gave the guy that named them some disease or something, maybe Aids or Chlamydia. Or Maybe just ugly looking kids. You know how men like revenge.. Is it really that hard to make up a name that hasn’t been used on a REAL human being?? Grow up.

What did I do during the storm? Well, dear readers, I prayed. Wasn’t sure who I should pray for, I am in America as you know, so technically Jesus is closer. But I am still a Jew so I decided to give a shout out to my god and all the other gods who already dealt with hurricanes. I know for a fact my god dosen’t have much experience in that field so my expectations weren’t very high. Yet my building was, so I went ahead and prayed anyways. I only prayed to stay alive, little did I know I’d need electricity and water and some god damn phone reception when I stay alive, I just didn’t plan that far. I should prob have more faith next time, and hand all my requests in advance. It’s like getting a Jaguar without wheels. It’s a pretty sweet deal to stay alive but I could really use the other things that will help me function.

Not being able to communicate for 5 days, and having to walk everywhere, was a pretty annoying challenge. there were buses but every time I saw a bus it made me think: “Wow this looks familiar.. Oh yeah Holocaust”, So that wasn’t an option. Too soon?

So what did I do for 5 days? Had great conversation with no interruptions, can you imagine having hours long conversation with a person and all this time the focus is on each other? I don’t remember the last time I talked to somebody without him/her holding the phone and looking at it while I talk to their face and they always say: “Keep talking I’m listening”. I should really stop doing it too. God we are a shitty generation.

Lucky me, one of my good friends lives around my hood (which is rare in America) so I was able to walk over. And let me tell ya something, the first day we lost everything (water, power, reception, sanity) I walked over to her house because I was going CRAZY and really there’s really no other direction u can go from my apt.. and surprised her. I HAVE NEVER SEEN SOMEONE SO HAPPY TO SEE ME. I swear. It was almost like we got separated at birth. My skinny, tall, blond sister. That bitch got all the good genes. I think the whole thing was so traumatizing that both of us were just shocked we’re still alive. Good friends are hard to find, especially in the storm.

It was crazy to see a city like NY going thru something like that, a city where nobody smiles if they don’t have to, a city where everyone are in a rush all the time and regardless of the season, they always have an umbrella. It kinda made New Yorkers take a step back and reevaluate shit again. Not sure what that shit is, because honestly A day in NY always feels like another step in a survival game. This is not LA when shit goes down you take your car and get away, here you gotta stay with everybody and deal with all the crap because the subways are down.

Here is something u can’t do while Sandy is happening: Weight Watchers diet because –A- u don’t have water (and basically you move in the bathroom when u start Weight Watchers) and B fiber is you worst enemy when ur toilet isn’t working. So guess who ate everything else but diet products in the past 5 days? That’s right your fellow Jew here. Yep I managed to gain weight, with shitty food and a lot of exercise. That’s how good I am.
I did learn that life is short and you gotta make the best of it. Not that I didn’t know it before, but this was a nice reminder, and another thing, don’t take anything for granted: not water, not electricity especially not friends.

Have a safe weekend.

MUCH LOVIN'

Ricki Maya Sofer

Why I would never watch Stand Up comedy at a theather ever Again? My take on Louis CK at NY city Center.

People kept asking me how was watching Louis CK at New York city center? So before I answer here are some facts: New York City Center can hold 2,750 people, and it did that night, I only paid $45 bucks (because you can do that on his site), I love CK (!), & there were no tv screens.

The seat I got was 3rd before the last one way on top. Way way on top. The stage never seemed so far away. Show started RIGHT ON TIME, which I loved, young talented comic opened for him, he looked like a white dot on the stage, I enjoyed him. 10 min later he brings up the king of comedy: Louis CK. I don’t remember when I was this excited to see a show, to see a performer. But let me tell ya I WAS EXCITED. The couple in front of me totally wasn’t, they actually brought beer bottles and cheered in the middle of the show. I wanted to use all my fighting skills on them, yet I didn’t. Anyways, show started, assholes in the front keep posting pics on Instagram, and Louie talking about how everyone on their cell phones these days and how this is the only way we communicate, and basically we suck as a generation.

Most of the show I didn’t hear my section laughing. It reached the point when I cracked on some jokes that I almost had to excuse my self for being the loudest on my section. Here is the thing, it was hard to focus, there were so many distractions to the eye before you actually got to see CK. The main thing was that he never looked up, he kept his head facing the ppl with the amazing seats. So basically I got to see his balding head the entire time. And don’t get me wrong, I like red heads.

As a comedian, I know that when you do have huge crowd, you really gotta focus on a few people sitting in the front, otherwise u might get a little too nervous. It’s easier to talk to 20 people than to 200. So yeah I get it if that’s the reason he didn’t look up, but let’s face it, what are the odds he didn’t look up because he was nervous? None. CK has 28 shows in NY, all of them ARE SOLD OUT.

As a comic who never went to see stand up at a venue so big I gotta say it was very impressing, and interesting at the same time to see how he handles that, and how he went right into his jokes without us even paying attention. His jokes this time were very impersonal, I would even call this show: Louis CK: Random Thoughts. I wasn’t impressed by most of them, I don’t remember a lot of them, but still an hour and 20 min went by very fast.

I really wanted to see him crack his awkward smile with his awesome teeth, I wanted to see where he was looking (if it’s not me I gotta know the competition), how he’s holding the mic, and basically I wanted to learn. I don’t really think I did. I learned it’s a great way to make A LOT of money in a very short time (I am Jewish after all), I learned ppl are assholes and they go to watch a show just so they could Instagram that shit, I learned that theaters don’t have 2 drinks min!, and I learned that even tho he had a very busy year, producing, writing, directing the show Louie, he is still a normal human being, a hard worker, and a fantastic comedian. Would I go again? Prob not, unless I get the front seat.

Cheers

Ricki.

I-Toilet….

I dropped my iphone to the toilet yesterday. When you hear something falling in the toilet right when your ass facing the toilet you know your damp just cost you 400 bucks. Without thinking I reached for my drowning friend and in my mind I already knew, nobody survives toilets. I looked at it, looked at god, (I was at a Jewish kosher restaurant so I felt closer) and started praying. Now, I’m a soldier I would save it from morning pee to late night damp, as long as it mine. If it was yours I’d prob flash it with your shit and would never be able to look you in the eye again. Please remember to flash.
I got out of the bathroom, phone wet, but works, no sound, the flash light is on, I never used it.. I knew then, it’s dying. Phone dying in my hands, there’s still a certain comfort that at least you still have the phone, & no one else has a hold of your dick pic collection.
Took a bus to the iphone store on 59th street. When you see more employees than costumers, you know your phone should be cheaper. Does costumer service really has to be THAT GOOD??
2 min later I was already telling the story to a blue tshirt guy who seems to have all the answers. I told him it got water in it, I didn’t say toilet, I didn’t want him to think I’m gross, plus he was kinda cute & I got a reputation to keep. (What?) He made an appointment for 7.50, which was an hour(!!) away, so I had to make this look more urgent, I gathered all my acting skills (which are none) and said:” pretend this is your sister will you really let her wait for an hour?” I guess the face I made got him, and I felt like he was opening up so he was able to squeeze me between other peeps. Not until I said: “do Iphones survive toilets?” And he asked: “did it fell in the toilet?” I said:” yeah, I know I’m idiot..” Little did I know how much of an idiot when he said WE CAN’T TAKE CARE OF PHONES THAT WERE IN THE TOILET because of bacteria. Now, I didn’t really see what the problem was, so I just told him OH cool so just pretend you never heard me saying that.. am I next?
No I wasn’t next, he apologized with a winning smile, and said you might as well get a new one, it’ll die, for sure. Call me sensitive but isn’t there a nicer way to break such bad news?? He didn’t even blink. My heart was broken, he didn’t care.
So apparently if your phone drowns the ultimate advice was to put it in rice, or blow dry it. So here you learned something new. My phone survived. It’s working, singing, smiling, ringing, just one thing is missing, my dick pic collection, oh well, there were mostly Jews.

Happy Summa.

R

30 DAYS IN NEW YORK THE RESULTS: Is LA Better?

So before I start, I just wanna say I didn’t have a normal job during that month, so really all my focus was on food and comedy. I planned my day by the mics nothing else is important. I really wanted to catch up with NY.. and I DID.
So: I had 15 shows (except one they were ALL between 10-15 min), about 40 open mics (that’s 5 min a mic and allot of frustration) and I networked with at least 100 peeps, prob more, ha I’m sure it’s more.
That’s about 5.5 HOURS of stage time. A month.
I did mostly urban rooms, which is cool, I like them, I’m glad I didn’t get shot yet. I feel more comfortable on stage when I do a open mic before a show at the same day. But that’s me. I did a lot of bombing, some killing, and some were forgettable. I still want it, so I guess it’s not so bad.
I get asked all the time what’s better NY or LA? Honestly I feel NY is more about comedy, and jokes, and real shit than LA. LA comics mostly waiting to be discovered, which is cool, but here it’s more about “I got something to say”. That’s how I feel. U’ll never hear NY comic say – “I ain’t ready to go up on stage, there might be producers in the audience I don’t wanna blow it……”. That’s crazy to me. If you really do comedy that shit shouldn’t cross your mind. Again, my opinion.
It does pisses me off when people say LA comics ain’t funny. YES THEY ARE. Some of LA comics I know are hysterical.. everybody needs to relax it’s only 6 hours flight away it’s still America. The difference is not that big.
It’s funny tho that in LA your first 10 min needs to be clean. Just when I started, I was told, make sure you have 10 clean – TV ready. Shit, I didn’t even know I wanted to be on TV .. Didn’t hear it in NY, yet.
Now, as far as open mics, you can do 5 a day in Los Angeles and 5 a day in New York. It’s all up to how much you want it. In NY the pre sign up email system is taking control, it’s cool because most of those mics ppl stay till the end, when the mics with first come first serve have to be there early so they can leave early- so not everybody stay, and you might end up talking to urself. But yeah the point is it’s possible. I did 15 mics a WEEK in LA and NY. So just set your mind to it.. and if you have a 9-5 job then- good luck.
I didn’t do any of the big clubs: Carolines, Gotham, The comedy Strip (I really like that one). I was there but I didn’t get a chance to get up. I don’t do bringer, but I’m willing to bring people to a none bringer. I used to do bringer in my first year, and it worked fine for me, cuz I sucked and I had no other options to get up, so I’d bring all my friends to a bringer show, where all the comics suck, but brought ppl, and at the end of the show my friends would hate me and never wanna come back. So that’s why I don’t do bringers. I respect my friends. BUT BUT BUT I might do one in NY, just to get my foot in the door. I’ll pick the club and the show. Because the best thing about it that you know there will be crowd. SO idk we’ll see. It’s really hard to start ALL OVER AGAIN. But, it’s cool. I GOT THIS. Lol.
I gotta say, doing those mics is terrible and so much fun at the same time. I get to meet great people, make people laugh and party with funny people. What’s better than that?
Xoxo R

Performing in Harlem NY reminds me ....

My first trip to America I was 12 my parents took me and my brother to NY and Disney World. To my surprise, thinking back about it, I already had pretty good English, and I couldn’t wait for someone to talk to me so I could talk back in a cooler language than Hebrew. Homeless people, strangers, anybody really..
So we rented a car my dad was very excited about, i don't know what the fuck it was, but he took so many pictures with it that it made my childhood look bad. 3rd day in America, I feel like I’m in my home land, people talking the right language, weather ain’t bad and I could find pants my size. Heaven.
My brother was giving directions on the map, which is prob why we got lost every 2 seconds, (no GPS, 16 years ago!), and my dad was just excited to drive the car (never mind we weren’t getting anywhere) and pay toll at the bridges. It was like 7pm, somehow (somehow my ass, it was my brother) we made it to Harlem. Now for me Harlem was where all my heroes live (2pac, biggie, my future husband) I got all excited.. My brother freaked out, started yelling in the car: EVERYBODY DUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My mom acted cool and told my brother to relax, my dad was chilling behind the wheel, I was like, you fucking lost your mind???? Getting shot in Harlem is so much better than exploding on a bus! I’m not missing this one out. We got out of Harlem shortly. I was a bit sad. Gang bangs seemed to have more sex appeal then terrorist bombers.
The trip wend good. We flew to Orlando, Florida. I throw up all the way to our first hotel. I might have over did it with the free food on the plain. I get like that with free food. The good news, I got to meet Goofy, I think I was in-love with that dog for a couple of years so that was a first dream coming true. I loved America, people kept saying please, thank you, excuse me, being polite and shit. I was like wow, manners. I kinda wanna live here.
Performing in Harlem does give me hope that maybe some day we could have some kind of peace on this earth.
Keep Your Head Up!
R

Being thick dosen't help in Urban Rooms.My Experience.

Last night I did an “Urban Room” meaning very few white people. Okay, none. I think there were about 100-150 in the audience, the stage was high, I got called off guard and ran to the stage while chewing some chips. I looked at the stage before I went up, and looked at ALL THE PEOPLE, and then looked at the mirror (it was right behind me, I didn’t actually looked for one), then I told my self, start praying now that this wouldn’t be a BAD JOKE.
I got up first, right after the host. First thing I said:”don’t feel awkward I’m white, actually looks can be deceiving, I’m Jewish, that’s even worse.” So that was a good start. Self hate always work. Then I went off to my martial, which allot of ppl asking about if I adjust my jokes to the crowd? I do have some black jokes I’m more excited to do with black crowd but most of the jokes are about me so I just do me. Maybe 5 years in comedy I’ll have enough jokes to all types of people. Don’t hold your breath.
Before the show I wrote all the jokes I wanted to do on a note. Not the whole joke you know, just one word to describe it. It helps me remember. Plus I wanted to do some new jokes.I remembered most of it, some of my jokes weren’t a hit but some got a few claps and hard laughs. And honestly to perform in front of a group of people I only got to see on TV while I was growing up, and make them laugh, even tho we prob have very little in common, felt really good. Of course I get nervous before I get up on stage, but once I’m up there and looking at ppl in the crowd it goes away. And at some point you get use to talk to a big bunch of people. The point is to have fun.. and make some bitches laugh.
I did about 15 min. I didn’t end with a hard laugh which pissed me off a little but there’s really nothing I can do about it now. Allot of comics refuse to do “Urban Rooms”, I’m not sure why, stage time is stage time. Yeah it could get nasty but bottom line it will only get you better. I never had that separation about what kind of crowd I would like to do a show with, for me u’all AMERICANS and color is just ur issue. If you funny you funny. And doing comedy for me is allot about delivering a message so I’m sure all humans can relate to what I say.
How do I feel about my set? Well all the comics that went after me killed every second on stage, there were only 4 more after me (All men) , each did about 25 min, all of them have their “hour special”. So I’m trying not to compare myself to other comics that have been doing it for years, but this way I know it ain’t the crowd.. (Sometimes we blame the crowd), but yeah it was good for where I’m at with my comedy. There’s always room to get better, sharpen ur jokes, and work on delivery. And all the jokes that didn’t work on this room doesn’t mean they don’t work at all. I killed with those jokes in a 400 “all kind crowd”, so yeah, I do believe in finding your crowd, and stick to whatever you think is funny. But if it never works let it go… : )
BTW the show was in Staten Island. I’m not sure what the place called. I’ll find out.
This is it for 2day. Already 2 weeks in New York and I’ve been on 35 different stages. (open mics and shows).
It’s easy to do the things you love <3
Pease

How does it feels to bomb at a open mic when all the other comics killed?

WELL, I tried to get up at the Duplex(Suddenly Stand-up on Wednesday) twice already, once it was my first time and I actually got there at 7:00 which is when the show started.. So I wasn’t able to get up, the list was full. Then I came back the next week at 5:00 thinking I’m early.. I was wrong! I was on the waiting list or whatever it’s called. Which sucked but whatever I still had a show that night. But anyways, the thing about this mic is that it SEEMS like everyone are killing up there.. I personally found a couple of very funny comics and was impressed so I figured it’s a great mic. The atmosphere is awesome, usually it’s packed, and the host – I think Michael is pretty cool. SO 3rd week I got there, motivated, ready to do this mic! So I got there at 4:00, when the bar opens.. (ya don’t get there at 3 nobody’s there) and then I went back home because wtf am I gonna do for 3 hours?? I didn’t wanna do other mics and rush or whatever. Which I guess looking back it was possible. But anyways, the regular host wasn’t there, 2 comics hosted instead, they both are very funny, my opinion.. ! and it was fun. The thing is that nobody knows me since I just moved here from Los Angeles, so I’m still walking in the dark.. I guess. So the way they do it is even if you’re second on the list (like I was) it doesn’t mean u going up second.. They chose when to get you up. I got up around 8:00. After I introduced myself.. I got a little discouraged. But got over it.
So I went up, first mistake, opened with a new joke. And I don’t know at some point I wanted to say so many words in so little time so everything sounded like a mess.. I think 2 min in I had a joke coming. I think I was so focused in the crowd that I lost focus in my jokes. I got a couple of giggles, which is fine when everybody else get the same, but that wasn’t the case. I almost felt like I had to introduce myself like it was a support group. So I did. My death jokes didn’t go so well, which is alright, it’s a gay bar. Oh and my rape jokes. So yeah I think dark shit ain’t the best jokes to open with . Sometimes you can really feel when comics judge you. But it’s cool I do it too. Bottom line, it was a good experience. Did I feel great after it? Fuck no I felt like shit but if it doesn’t kill you it makes you stronger.
So yeah it wasn’t the best experience for me, but I do think if you become a regular then u’ll get allot of love back, because most of the comics there were very comfortable and weren’t even telling jokes just venting and they still got a good response. SO, fuck yeah I’m going back there, I will say this, I do think when there’s new comics then it’ll be awesome to show some support and put them up early. That’s my opinion.

Shabbat Shalom :)
R
xoxo

5 mics a DAY... HOW???

Yesterday (Monday) I got to do 4 open mics. Which for those of you who know me, know it’s normal for me. The only way to keep a high average of stage time a week is to WANT IT REALLY BAD. I chose comedy over everything else. My hang out places is comedy clubs, and on my free time I’m on facebook. What?
My writing process is a bit strange, my day of writing is Friday. That means I just sit and write fucked up things that bother me or happen to me. I write everyday, but only on the premises level. I develop them to jokes later, mostly on stage..and at home with shit music in the background.
So I meant to finish what I wrote but it’s already 1.30 on a Tuesday, so technically it’s Wednesday.. Today I got to hit 5 mics. I did one place twice “Bar 82” which I got really good feedback which was strange because allot of them were old. But cool. You know? That open mic started at 4!! Which is way too early but I did it, I got out of the house at 3.30.. which is impossible when u have a real job.
Then I went to “Eastville Comedy Club”, started at 6pm (normal I guess), sign up started at 4. I had a great time, I saw a comic from LA which is always exciting.. Then I walked 30 blocks to “$3 Tavern”, started at 8, it was a lottery so I went up around 9pm, nobody laughed from none of my shit, not my problem. Then I went to see a friend at Gotham Comedy Club, at 10:00, she was good. LA comics definitely have different style than NY. I can tell. Then at 10:45 I took I quick cab to the “Pit” which wasn’t’ far from the Gotham. The Pit has a late open mic, starts at 11:00, lottery as well. I gotta say, I was pretty tired, and it’s only 2 min! So honestly get your set in after such a long day in 2 min, was a bit difficult for me. Plus the whole stage thing is weird because the crowd looking down on you, which made me a bit confused, because usually it’s the opposite. But I like the Pit. Mostly on Sunday, I think the stage there is better. There were 34 comics. And some crowd. It’s definitely a great open mic.
I have ALL my sets on CAMERA. I will go over them tomorrow if I have time. I hate watching my self but I got used to it.. it’s part of it. I getting lost much last, and I have a new joke I’m really excited about. I’m very passionate about what I do, and really all I want is to make ppl laugh and GET PAID FOR IT.
G’night.
R

MY first time at the PIT

Just got back from the PIT open mic, my first time there.. Great open mic, very recommended.



The energy was great.

:) Keep updating soon..
Have A Good Week U'all!
xoxo
Ricki

My first week in NY

First week in New York went by really fast. I did about 6 open mics and performed in 5 different places. I get lost all the time, how am I suppose to know where is west if I’m on an Island?
I was happy to find out my jokes work here too. Open mics in New York are great for the only reason that comics actually listen to you during your set. Between LA and NY I would have to say if you start out in LA chances are you’ll give up because most of the time you feel like you’re talking to yourself. Did I really just paid 5 bucks for that? Wow.
LA is way more fancy, fancy clubs, fancy people. Here it’s more about comfort and having fun. Less plastic on the street. Allot of night life, bars, pubs, clubs which isn’t my thing right now. (I’m broke).
To get up here on open mics it’s about 5 bucks, some rude bustards ask for more- Don’t you know comics are broke? Most of the place YOU DON’T GET A DRINK for your 5 bucks. So honestly, if you do a mic, do yo jokes and stop fucking around. And for those of you who don’t do comedy, yes, comedians have to pay to get up and entertain… LA is better on that part.
Girls in NY are funny, I see less black comics, more Jews, I’m not sure how much I like that, but oh well. So far my favorite place to do an open mic is One & One Bar on Sat’s. It’s awesome crowd, very intimate, always (been there twice) packed, and very supportive. (It’s 4 bucks).
It’s easier to get up during the week. The weekend is more difficult because it’s all email sign up and I’m on nobody’s email list so far. SO THIS SUCKS. But oh well I guess I could use the rest.
OKAY, it’s 7:00pm on a Sunday, I’m off to the PIT. You get 4 min and it’s free.

Holla.